Touching my Sexual Soul

It is rare that I write on my blog about my personal experiences and especially about my sex life.  My sex life as one might describe is a troll of treasurers that I keep locked up and close to my chest as what I feel and experience with sex is so amazing and fairy tale like to others.  But ones sex life and sexual experiences can seem like a novel of explosions and excitement to someone seems like nothing to me and what I have ever felt.  I don’t feel, I conquer sex and sexual experiences like a game of check marks and marks that I have to surpass before I become to old to experience the pleasures of sex and my sexuality.  And that makes me dangerous to people.

However I have come across only one person who can stir something in me and he has never touched me.  Not a hug or a touch of a finger but he can move me to that place where one can find that euphoria of sexual bliss.  At first I hated him for it as it is not the way I have become programmed and when I mix the drugs in with the sex it helps build the sexual stepping stones to fulfil some dream or conquer some game I have developed in my mind.  The game is why I am so good at teaching sex and sexuality to people via my website, blog, parties, seminars and talks.  As the game of sex is what people want to believe that sex is a process to reach an orgasm and to offer an amazing story but it is not that it is a feeling deep inside yourself and it is not about another person.  I offer amazing stories and lessons on how to pleasure your partner how to give fantastic blow jobs, move into different angles and love your lover but if you want to know the truth about me, it is a game, it has always been a game of sex for me.  I love to conquer the person who says they have never had a good orgasm or great blow job or have never done a certain sex act.  I love the feeling that sex is a game and you have to win and be the best or at least the most memorable.  But that is not what is all about.  Sex is about a feeling inside of you that once it comes out it, can light a room that you are in but you are the only one who feels and sees it.

Some people can feel that feeling inside themselves by themselves but for me it was someone who brought it out in me and he never touched me.  At first it was so confusing to me as why can I not touch what is in front of me but that is not what he is about to me.  He makes me listen to him and feel him but from a distance. I can hear his voice and the tone and pitch but makes me stir inside, as like I have been asleep until I really listen to him.  He likes to touch himself alone in the dark, I know he is naked he never has to tell me I just know.  I can always tell from his voice that is insecure about his body as there is this pitch to it when he mentions that he is going to bed and thinks about what I do alone when I masturbate.  But that insecurity goes away after a while.  He lies in bed and starts touching himself I feel that when he talks to me that I am right there floating above him watching and feeling everything he feels which forces me to follow suit.  He always slowly strokes his cock, slowing with long strokes from the base to the tip always following through the motion of the shaft from bottom to top.  Long strokes and soft just like his voice.  But he has a fetish as he likes it when someone watches but he doesn’t realize that he has two fetishes someone who watches and someone who listens and obeys his tone.  I obey his tone as he is telling me that I must follow his strokes and touch myself the same way he does, long and slow from the tip of my clitoris to the entrance of my vagina.  I can follow him on every movement as I can feel it so strong that I feel that I am sitting opposite him following his every move.  I close my eyes and I am there in the same room watching him, as he looks outside to watch passer-by stop and view his window.  I know they can’t see in but in his mind they are watching but it is me watching and waiting to follow his command.  But he never commands me I just feel it so I follow him.  I feel how his breathing becomes deep and raspy as his strokes get faster and shorter.  I am so memorized by his breathing that I keep touching myself in wide circles, as I want to touch every part of my vaginal lips every part as he touches every inch of his cock.  I think of him touching me with his lips not to turn me on but to turn himself on as the taste of sexual energy is what turns him on.  The energy he produces with his breathing and how he talks to me makes every inch of me tingle as I have fire ants dancing all over my body.  I keep watching him as I feel I can see him as clear as day.  He stokes his cock faster as he gets harder and I can see it throbbing as he goes from one long stroke to the next.  He tells me what he has pictured for months about me.  He pictures a massive flesh coloured dildo which balls ramming deep and fast into my pussy.  He visualizes that it goes in and out of me at such a fast and vigious speed that is makes my pussy swell and remain loose and open.  But my pussy devours the dildo as I picture myself so excited and wet from him ramming the dildo deep inside me that my pussy wants to speak and say don’t stop, don’t ever stop.  My pussy is following his lead his reaction, that my pussy just wants that desire he has and has been thinking about doing to me.  He tells me what he has been thinking and how when he pushes that dildo deep inside me he tastes me and licks me as to ensure that I know he has complete control over every stroke and thrust.  He wants to know that my pussy agrees with him and what he is doing to me which why he needs to lick me to ensure himself that this is okay but it is more than okay for me as it is his reinsurance that excites me, his control his desire, his fantasy that brings me to the point.  The point is where I am somewhere else, not an orgasm with the pulsations and movements it is where I don’t know where I am, I am gone and his voice, his fantasies only he can do to me.

I can feel it when he is about to cum,  it is the shorting of breathing and the sound of the motion I heard, but I close me eyes and I can see him grip his cock as he explodes and he loses control, the quick jerk of his leg and muscles as his cum is released.  How I wish I could really taste it, taste him, touch him as he releases all his energy.  I feel it as I close my eyes and picture him at that moment which brings me to a release of my own energy as I feel as I have been gone and I am finally floating back to where and who I am, as I don’t have multiple orgasms, I have just one, just one very long one as he takes to the most vulnerable place in my soul and I ride every wave of orgasm with the sound of his voice and the pitch of breathing.

There is one word he call me when he is excited, which will haunt me in my future, as it is word I hear from him every time, it is the word that makes it okay to feel and experience a moment of complete ecstasy in an orgasm you have reached with words alone.  He touches me in ways no one man or woman have ever touched me to the deep core of my soul to release the true feeling of my sexuality.  I love him, I love him in that moment and that moment is what I will hold on to.